These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour
以下的问答是发布在一个澳大利亚的旅游者网站上的,所有的内容都是真实的,回答部分是该旅游者指南网站的官方正式回复,看起来非常的有幽默感.
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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
问:澳洲从不刮风吗?我从没在电视里看到澳洲有下雨的时候,那澳洲的庄稼靠什么生长呢?(英国)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
答:我们从国外进口长熟的庄稼,然后围坐周围看着他们死掉.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
问:我能在街上看到袋鼠吗?(美国)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
答:看你喝了多少...(取决于你喝醉的程度)
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
问:我打算从帕斯走到悉尼,我能沿着铁路线走吗?(瑞典)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
答:当然,只有三千英里(约四千八百公里)而已,多带点水.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
问:澳洲有ATM(自动取款机)吗?能否请你发一份布里斯班,凯恩斯,汤斯威尔和赫威湾这几个城市的ATM分布列表给我?(英国)
A: What did your last slave die of?
答:你上一个奴隶是怎么死的?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
问:能请给我些澳洲赛马的信息吗?(美国)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
答:非-洲是在欧洲南面的巨大三角型的大陆

澳-大-利-亚是太平洋中间一个巨大的岛屿,没有...

哦,不好意思,忘记了.

当然,赛马是每周二的晚上,在英王十字街,要裸体来看.

(注:英王十字街是悉尼的红灯区)
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
问:在澳洲什么方向是北?(美国)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
答:面对南方,回转180度. 到达澳洲后请联系我们,我们将告诉你其他两个方向.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
问:我能带自己的餐具去澳洲吗?(英国)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
答:为什么?就象我们一样,用手指头好了.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
问:能否请你们发给我维也纳童声合唱团的演出时间表?(美国)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
答:奥-地-利...是个离奇有趣的小国家,与德-国接壤,它...

哦,不好意思,忘记了,维也纳童声合唱团每周二晚上在英王十字街演出,时间就在赛马之后,记得裸体观看.

(注:这个无知的美国佬竟然分不清奥地利和澳大利亚!)
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
问:我可以在澳洲穿高跟鞋吗?(英国)
A: You are a British politician, right?
答:你是个英国政客,对吗?(哗众取宠)
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
问:悉尼有超市吗?牛奶是否全年都供应?(德国)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal .
答:不行!我们都是严格的素食主义者,以打猎或采摘为生.

牛奶是非法的!
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
问:请提供一份完整的可以注射抗响尾蛇血清的澳洲医生名单.(美国)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
答:响尾蛇住在美-国,也就是你来的地方.

所有澳洲的蛇都绝对是不伤人的,可以拿在手里当宠物养的.
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
问:我想问一种澳洲特有的动物,但我忘记它的名字了.就是那种住在树上的熊.(美国)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
答:它叫跳熊.这名字的起源是,当有人从橡胶树下走过时,这种熊会跳下来并吃掉路过者的脑子.

临出门前,你可以给自己身上淋满人尿,这样可以吓唬跳熊,避免他们伤到你.

(注:其实无知的美国佬问的是考拉,一种澳洲所特有的极温顺的小树袋熊).
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
问:我发明了一种保持青春的产品,能否请你告诉我,澳洲哪里可以销售它?(美国)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
答:美国佬云集的任何地方.
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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
问:请问,塔斯玛尼亚州哪里的女人比男人少?(意大利)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
答:哦,男同性恋俱乐部.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
问:澳洲也过圣诞节吗?(法国)
A: Only at Christmas.
答:只在圣诞节的时候才过.
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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )
问:1969年我在澳洲,你们能否帮我找到我曾经在英王十字街上(红灯区)约会过的姑娘?
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
答:当然,不过你仍然要按小时付给她钱...(注:澳洲的妓女是按半小时收费的)
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
问:我可以在大部分我所到的澳洲地区说英文吗?(美国)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
答:当然,不过你得先学会说英文.

(注:澳洲英语和美国口音有很大不同,澳洲人也很不喜欢美国口音)